“To preserve opportunities for lusty, passionate sex, most successful long-term couples develop the ability to enjoy “warm sex.” Rather than emphasizing focused intensity, warm sex revolves around calmer experiences of sensuality, affection, pleasure and playful fun. Although warm sex usually includes genital stimulation, its goals are neither high arousal nor orgasm.
“Especially during periods when desire is relatively low, warm sex allows couples to maintain a physical bond and helps them to continue perceiving each other in a sexual light. Some people have a great difficulty learning to enjoy warm sex, while others gravitate to it naturally. In addition to its other rewards, warm sex maintains an erotic playground. The passion of new love is typically an automatic catalyst for sex. As the urgency calms, however, seasoned lovers make time for sex.”
Jack Morin, Ph.D. from The Erotic Mind, pp 281-282.
Before you begin the practice, you will need a massage table, oil, sheets and towels. Quality massage tables are very inexpensive at Amazon and Costco – under $250. Purchasing a massage table is a commitment to your practice.
Mapping is a process where you caress your partner in a certain way and he gives you feedback on the sensations (or lack thereof). Your genital massage practice might start with several sessions of mapping and playing with your partner’s genitals. As you caress, he focuses his attention on the sensations in his genitals. Through this process, you can learn what he likes and what he doesn’t. Ask him, “How much pressure? Should I slow this touch down? Do you want me to keep doing this stroke for a while?”
You may wish to give names to your partner’s favorite ways to be touched so he can ask for those touches by name.
The video in this class, introduces you to 30 creative ways to touch the male genitals. It is easy to learn all these strokes. The real difficulty is for your partner to learn to receive what is possible as he is massaged.
The male receiver needs to be actively engaged in the massage process. He might ask himself some of the following questions: “Can I allow myself to feel pleasure? Can my ego tolerate prolonged, full body orgasm? Can I allow my heart to open? Can I stop the chatter inside my mind? Can I let go of blocks and chronic constrictions? Can I stay totally present during the massage, not going off into fantasies or distraction?”
We recommend watching the whole 30 minute video with your partner. As you watch the erotic massage strokes, try to feel in your body the sensations that Matthew and Steve are feeling. Now try these strokes on your partner. Have the video remote control or space bar on your computer available to stop the video so you and your partner can spend time practicing each stroke. Be sure to put the remote in a Ziploc bag and cover your keypad to avoid mixing technology with oil. Speak the name of each stroke aloud as you do it on your partner. Ask him for verbal feedback. More pressure? Slower? More oil? Encourage your partner to breathe consciously with you. Finish the massage by having your partner do the Big Draw.
Breathing together is a powerful way to begin your erotic massage practice. Play with different rhythms. Experiment with shallow breathing and then breathe deeply into your belly. A recommended pattern is two shallow breaths, then one deep and repeat. In the breathing exercises in this course, all the effort is on the inhale. Let go and relax on the exhale. No matter how fast you are breathing, you will not hyperventilate if you relax on the exhale. The masseur should guide his partner’s breathing with his own breath. Conscious breathing helps keep the musculature of the body relaxed, even during high erotic states. The breathing also keeps one in the present moment so it is difficult to go off into erotic fantasy. As the massage progresses and the erotic charge builds in the pelvis, the breath helps circulate the erotic energy throughout the body. If the receiver breathes throughout the massage, he can experience a breath orgasm in his body similar to an erotic orgasm. When a breath orgasm and an erotic orgasm happen simultaneously in the body, expanded levels of consciousness are possible.
After you have connected with your partner through conscious breathing, give him a long, nurturing, warm oil massage of the back, legs and arms. Allow your awareness to be in your hands. Let him know by the quality of your touch that there is nowhere else you would rather be, that there is no one else you would rather be with.
In this course, two videos demonstrate pleasurable ways of touching your man. One video show a massage given by a man. The other video shows a woman giving an erotic massage. The massages are similar but not identical.
In this class you can learn:
- 30 strokes for the penis, including:
- High friction strokes
- Massage for the head of the penis
- Soft penis massage
- Scrotal massage
- The benefits of separating giving from receiving
- Alternatives to ejaculation
- Breathing techniques that increase erotic energy
Instructors Include: Joseph Kramer Ph.D.
Class Format: 50 minutes of video watch online or download