Pleasuring Your Partner with Touch is Warm Sex
“To preserve opportunities for lusty, passionate sex, most successful long-term couples develop the ability to enjoy ‘warm sex.’ Rather than emphasizing focused intensity, warm sex revolves around calmer experiences of sensuality, affection, pleasure and playful fun. Although warm sex usually includes genital stimulation, its goals are neither high arousal nor orgasm.
“Especially during periods when desire is relatively low, warm sex allows couples to maintain a physical bond and helps them to continue perceiving each other in a sexual light. Some people have a great difficulty learning to enjoy warm sex, while others gravitate to it naturally. In addition to its other rewards, warm sex maintains an erotic playground. The passion of new love is typically an automatic catalyst for sex. As the urgency calms, however, seasoned lovers make time for sex.”
Jack Morin, Ph.D. from The Erotic Mind, pp 281-282.
Before you begin the practice, you will need a massage table, oil, sheets and towels. Quality massage tables are very inexpensive at Amazon, Costco, and Walmart – under $250. Purchasing a massage table is a commitment to your practice.
Mapping is a process where you caress your partner in a certain way and she gives you feedback on the sensations (or lack thereof). Your genital massage practice might start with several sessions of mapping and playing with your partner’s genitals. As you caress, she focuses her attention on the sensations in her genitals. Through this process, you can learn what she likes and what she doesn’t. Ask her, “How much pressure? Should I slow this touch down? Do you want me to keep doing this stroke for a while?”
You may wish to give names to your partner’s favorite ways to be touched so she can ask for those touches by name.
The video in this class, introduces you to 30 creative ways to touch the female genitals. It is easy to learn all these strokes. The real difficulty is for your partner to learn to receive what is possible as she is massaged.
The female receiver needs to be actively engaged in the massage process. She might ask herself some of the following questions: “Can I allow myself to feel pleasure? Can my ego tolerate prolonged, full body orgasm? Can I allow my heart to open? Can I stop the chatter inside my mind? Can I let go of blocks and chronic constrictions? Can I stay totally present during the massage, not going off into fantasies or distraction?”
We recommend watching the whole 30 minute video with your partner. As you watch the erotic massage strokes, try to feel in your body the sensations that the women receiving are feeling. Now try these strokes on your partner. Have the video remote control or space bar on your computer available to stop the video so you and your partner can spend time practicing each stroke. Be sure to put the remote in a Ziploc bag and cover your keypad to avoid mixing technology with oil. Speak the name of each stroke aloud as you do it on your partner. Ask her for verbal feedback. What would make this better? More pressure? Slower? More oil? Encourage your partner to breathe consciously with you. Finish the massage by having your partner do the Big Draw.
Breathing together is a powerful way to begin your erotic massage practice. Play with different rhythms. Experiment with shallow breathing and then breathe deeply into your belly. A recommended pattern is two shallow breaths, then one deep and repeat. In the breathing exercises in this course, all the effort is on the inhale. Let go and relax on the exhale. No matter how fast you are breathing, you will not hyperventilate if you relax on the exhale. The masseur should guide his partner’s breathing with his own breath. Conscious breathing helps keep the musculature of the body relaxed, even during high erotic states. The breathing also keeps one in the present moment so it is difficult to go off into erotic fantasy. As the massage progresses and the erotic charge builds in the pelvis, the breath helps circulate the erotic energy throughout the body. If the receiver breathes throughout the massage, she can experience a breath orgasm in her body similar to an erotic orgasm. When a breath orgasm and an erotic orgasm happen simultaneously in the body, expanded levels of consciousness are possible.
After you have connected with your partner through conscious breathing, give her a long, nurturing, warm oil massage of the back, legs and arms. Allow your awareness to be in your hands. Let her know by the quality of your touch that there is nowhere else you would rather be, that there is no one else you would rather be with.
“With this massage, you can satisfy a woman to her core … every time!” Annie Sprinkle Ph.D.
In this training, you will learn thirty pleasurable massage strokes and erotic communication skills that you can use on your lover and/or on yourself. Learn from three women as they receive erotic touch.
In this video class you can learn:
*30 strokes for the vulva, including:
*Massage inside the vagina
*Using a vibrator
*How to listen to and communicate with your lover.
Instructors Include: Annie Sprinkle Ph.D., Joseph Kramer Ph.D.
Class Format: 58 minutes of video demonstrations and teaching.