This practice involves a placement of attention on the urethral sponge, coupled with stimulation and pressure from a finger or toy. This can be a new experience for many women. At the beginning of the practice, some women experience numbness or even pain. But with continued exploration and patience, tissues reawaken and pleasure become possible. Deborah Sundahl, the major teacher of female ejaculation, tells of several months of practice before she even felt pleasure in her urethral sponge area.
There is a meme today that sexually evolved women can quickly come on demand and can female ejaculate. Many teachings offer steps towards the ultimate goal of female ejaculation. This class invites you to a deeper engagement: the practice of placing your attention on your urethral sponge as a gateway to living fully in your body.
Why do this practice? Many of us are disembodied; we have forgotten we have genitals. We certainly are unaware of specific tissues such as the urethral sponge. This lack of feeling creates what A. H. Almaas calls “the Genital Hole”:
[The Genital Hole] “is the experience of the genital area as a dark, empty hole, with no anatomical parts. The individual feels and sometimes envisions a lack, an absence between the thighs. The experience can be very definite and clear, with the boundaries of the hole clearly demarcated. It almost feels like a physical experience, even though the individual is always aware that the hole is not physical.”
Return of sensation is available through consistent mindful practice over time. Consciously placing attention on specific parts of the body begins the process of reclaiming the body. This placement of attention practice often makes use of touch. In this practice, we touch and place attention on the urethral sponge.
Below are some suggestions for your practice.
It is always good to come into awareness of one’s sensual, somatic self before beginning the actual practice. Some women awaken the body by stretching, exercise, or yoga. Others take a hot shower or bath, get a massage or even have an orgasm. Hydration is essential: drink lots of water in preparation. One practitioner regularly drinks a gallon of water in the hours before a practice session. Before beginning stimulation, remember to empty the bladder. This will calm fears one might have about urinating during the practice.
If there is a concern about the ejaculate, you may wish to use towels, hospital chucks or rubber sheets. Where you are doing this practice will determine the preparations. However you prepare for this practice, we recommend honoring your body fluids.
Schedule enough time
The time it takes for a woman to ejaculate varies. Some women ejaculate quickly while others take 30 to 60 minutes.
Beginning the Practice
Begin your practice by touching all areas of your body in whatever ways feel most delicious to you. Breathe. Breathe more. Breathe deeply, down to the genitals. Although the focus of this practice is the urethral sponge, many women include clitoral and nipple stimulation and massage of other parts of the body, especially the vulva.
Guidance for Your Partner
Slow is better than fast. Stay with your partner’s awakening edge. This practice is a dance between your fingers and your partner’s nerve endings. Your mindfulness and presence command the same from your partner.
Stimulating Your Urethral Sponge
The urethral sponge is a cushion of tissue surrounding the urethra. Access this tissue by stroking internally the top of the vaginal canal. You will notice a textured area in the top wall of the vagina. This is the urethral sponge. Now that you have found it, explore it with massage and pressure. Slow is better than fast.
Some women find it physically awkward to stimulate this area using fingers. They use a tool called g-spot stimulator that has a hook shape.
This practice is about placements of attention. As a woman begins to explore this practice, she becomes aware of the pressure building in the urethral sponge. Most women’s experience of pressure in this area equates with the need to urinate. This practice allows women to distinguish between the pressure to urinate and the pressure to ejaculate. Sometimes stimulation during this practice is actually putting pressure on the bladder. It’s easy to pause the stimulation, check in with your body, and discern if you really need to urinate.
Arousal: The practitioner might have work through numbness and pain, but for the most part the stimulation of the urethral sponge is pleasurable. It can be pleasurable with out sexual arousal or with sexual arousal. (Most women do not experience orgasm as they ejaculate.) As the urethral sponge is “warmed up”, the area can take more stimulation and pressure.
There is no one way to female ejaculate. There is no formula. Your attention to your own body is the method. Your own patience and playfulness will show you what is possible.